Originally published on Bizzaro's medium: "Why Am I Stuck In Magician Hell?"
As a guest-spot during guest week.
Tuesday September 29th, 2009
I have started this article five times now, gotten distracted, and tried again. I'm sitting right now in a hospital waiting room... yay...
The last time I wrote for Bizzaro's blog, I was nearly held at gunpoint. Actually, it was more like this: I went to his house, was led to the laptop, and forced to do nothing else unless I filled the gap in his guest spot for the week, fed Michelina's frozen dinners, smacked by a Wii remote, beaten by Tigger Tails, even suffocated with a fedora... okay, not really, but it was completely unexpected.
Yet again I have the honor of being told there is an open invitation! That's almost a request! So, naturally, I've jumped on my girlfriend's laptop (shuddup) and started typing away.
I now get to rant about one thing that really pisses me off! PONIES.
That's right. Ponies.
Not like, “oh, I want a pony for my birthday,” that every girl (and some of you boys) want, but the one-trick ponies that claim to be magicians in our world today. The ones who claim to do “tricks” and feel like that's quality entertainment. That's a problem, and I've found an effective solution: Nerve gas.
The kids (well, grown people too) that learn a trick from YouTube or a drunk guy in a brothel and immediately go show everyone they can (poorly) and claim they are magicians need to be thrown into a room littered with sharp objects and instruments of destruction and force-fed good, high-quality magic footage. Why?
“Anyone can do a magic trick. Only a magician can do magic.” Even if someone knows thousands of tricks, they are not a magician. A magician is more than someone who has too much free-time and zero remaining social life. Much like a mortician, magicians need to know everything. Which is why we can be so cocky sometimes.
Magicians need to be well-versed in theatrical performance, stage lighting, set design, writing/scripting, timing, costuming, make-up, mechanics, construction, psychology, business management, current events and world news, study of competition, marketing, physical therapy, public relations, and various other technical skills. Show me one full-time professional who doesn't fit this, and I'll eat Bizzaro's hat. (Editor's note: The hell he will)
So what really, truly separates the pros from the soon-to-be-nuked populous of 21-cardtrickville? Entertainment. Whether it be funny, serious, dramatic, esoteric, satirical, or insipid... entertainment value is what draws the line. A professional magician can take the simplest trick (one that a metric ton of imbeciles would dismiss as “a lame trick”) and turn it into a masterpiece that will leave a lasting impression on the audience. (NOTE: Lasting impression, as compared to the depression left by a falling anvil, taken to the face).
A trick is just that: a trick. The effect accomplished is in the hands of the performer, and the more tools and subtleties used in proper moderation, the better. The amount of entertainment is dependent on the performer, how much practice he/she puts into it, and the receptiveness of the audience. (Yes, I left a window open for a cop-out later on. There is such a thing as a bad audience).
Where does that leave us? Ponies! Oh yea! Okay, so even if a one-trick pony knows a thousand tricks but treats them all the same and shows them all in the same way (in an unrehearsed, unpracticed and immature fashion... seemingly trying to fit into a music video that would obviously be edited later) it still only knows one trick: ambitious lame.
Let's stamp it into the brains of the one-trick youtube star-wannabe's: Knowing how to do a magic trick doesn't constitute calling yourself a magician. A paycheck for your labors of your craft that covers more than your gas to get there... that does. A kit that says, “Learn all the tricks in here to become a REAL magician” DOES NOT. Surviving, supporting your family, taking it seriously and not perpetuating the crap in the market DOES. Doing every trick you can possibly afford to buy off the shelves of your local magic store does NOT make you a magician. Being creative, original, and working hard to improve yourself and your act DOES.
Basically, take it seriously or don't call yourself a magician. Right now, most “magicians” only know enough to be dangerous.
Which is why I opt for nerve gas.
Aaron Stone is a full-time performer in the DFW area, currently hiding his car from the bank and has just been put on the Ramen Noodle diet. Shaving with a broken spoon and defending himself by watching “Walker: Texas Ranger” re-runs, he can be reached with a rope ladder and a peace offering of York™ Peppermint Patties, or by e-mail aaron@aaronthemagician.com.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Guest Week Spot on "WAISIMH?" 1
Originally published in Bizzaro's medium, "Why Am I Stuck In Magician Hell?"
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Sorry about no rant on Thursday. Not enuff people sucked it up and contributed so there are gonna be a few gaps BUT we have a nice one for Mother's Day this Sunday... until then, we're gonna force Aaron Stone to talk to you a bit. We're not giving him back his heavy deck till' he's done.
-----------------------------------------
Hey everyone. I'm Aaron Stone. None of you probably have any clue who I am. For good reason -- I'm on the younger end of the scale in the performance world. I got into magic for the simple fact that I had no social life and needed a way to get out of my shell and meet people. Why do I tell you this?
That is the only bit of information I can give you to make myself credible.
Not really... here's a bit more info that might help. I've been performing for just shy of six years now. You know, learning how to swim by being thrown into the lake, that sort of thing. My junior year of high school I ranked among the top 18 most humorous students in the state of Texas. Okay, enough about me, I just want you to know I'm not making up stuff as I go along. (Even though I, in fact, am).
When you first meet someone, you judge them. No two ways about it, you judge them based on how they portray themselves and their appearance; their demeanor; their gait; their car, their zip code... subliminally you make decisions about people you don't know without even thinking about it.
So, what does this have to do with performance arts? Everything!!!
You have all but seconds to win over an audience. Sure, you can redeem yourself if you're lucky later on, but it's a nightmarish war between your intentions and the audience's perceptions.
Every performer needs an introduction. Not necessarily your traditional, "Please welcome to the stage Ben Dover and his band the Buttplugs!" but an introduction, nonetheless. Below you'll find a handy reference of different introduction types to suit your fancies and introductorial fetishes.
1. Traditional. - See Above paragraph -
2. Intermittent. You start off your show with no formal introduction, usually something set to music, and can set your character or mood easily. After a short time, an intro is thengiven, such as: "BLAH BLAH MUSIC AND STUFF - PAUSE - I wish to welcome you to a world of power and wonder, where gophers explode and penguins collide. Sit back and enjoy the bewildering performances of: Weirrdo!"
3. Radically Informal. As simple as it gets. Anywhere during the first few moments of your show/act, it is stated or implied: "Hello Everyone, I'm Shawty Swappin and this is the World's Ghetto Mall of Mystery!" Continue with el performance.
There are a few examples to tickle your cerebellum. Now, how do you really apply or create an intro that will do more good than harm?
Any introduction (as well as at least 98% of any performance) should be scripted. You need to know exactly what you are going to say, express, or portray and can work it in your sleep. The introduction is important enough to do it! (The whole show should be, but people judge you more strongly on the intro and the ending...). You need to have words that will work towards your goal as a performer.
For example, if you do a show that is mystical and creepy, you shouldn't have an intro that is giddy and happy, referencing cute bunnies and unicorns of giddiness. In turn, if you have a happy show, you shouldn't start your show with a brain-seeking lawyer zombie craving the blood of republicans. (Sorry Republicans. If that offends you, replace the word "Republicans" with "Democrats").
Lucky for you who don't write intros, there are lots of stock intro lines you are welcomed to use. Just don't use them more than once per intro, and it shouldn't come out like total crap.
Common intro phrases:
"We've got a great show for you tonight."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, blah blah blah,"
"Over the next hour/half hour/sixty minutes we'll take you on a visual roller coaster, complete with the ups, downs, and the annoying random stops in the middle of the track."
Tweak them to fit your needs.
Putting it all together!
Things to include in an introduction:
1. Thanks for attending
2. Who you are
3. Where you are from
4. What you are doing for the show
5. Acknowledge sponsors, if any
6. Thank the venue / host
7. Wish the audience to enjoy the show.
That's it!
So, without further adieu, here is an actual intro from beginning to end.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming out to the 5th Annual Pancake Death Festival! My name is Aaron Stone, and I'll be your guide throughout this magical evening. I come from a small town you've never heard of with a population less than that of your average nightclub. Over the course of the next half hour, we'll all see some hilarious things. From death-defying card tricks to amazing sleight-of-hand publicity stunt escapes, the next thirty minutes of your life will be a jam-packed fun time. Remember, there will be no camera tricks, and no one here will die that you cared about anyway...so, without further adieu, the Founder Tiger's Club proudly presents, ME!"
The lights flash, the music cranks up, and the show begins with a high energy.
Poof. Amazing.
I hope you've made sense out of all this. If you've made it this far, your reading skill has increased by 1+ point.
Remember, people are watching...and argue as you will, you have one chance for an audience to like you.
~Aaron Stone
That is the only bit of information I can give you to make myself credible.
Not really... here's a bit more info that might help. I've been performing for just shy of six years now. You know, learning how to swim by being thrown into the lake, that sort of thing. My junior year of high school I ranked among the top 18 most humorous students in the state of Texas. Okay, enough about me, I just want you to know I'm not making up stuff as I go along. (Even though I, in fact, am).
When you first meet someone, you judge them. No two ways about it, you judge them based on how they portray themselves and their appearance; their demeanor; their gait; their car, their zip code... subliminally you make decisions about people you don't know without even thinking about it.
So, what does this have to do with performance arts? Everything!!!
You have all but seconds to win over an audience. Sure, you can redeem yourself if you're lucky later on, but it's a nightmarish war between your intentions and the audience's perceptions.
Every performer needs an introduction. Not necessarily your traditional, "Please welcome to the stage Ben Dover and his band the Buttplugs!" but an introduction, nonetheless. Below you'll find a handy reference of different introduction types to suit your fancies and introductorial fetishes.
1. Traditional. - See Above paragraph -
2. Intermittent. You start off your show with no formal introduction, usually something set to music, and can set your character or mood easily. After a short time, an intro is thengiven, such as: "BLAH BLAH MUSIC AND STUFF - PAUSE - I wish to welcome you to a world of power and wonder, where gophers explode and penguins collide. Sit back and enjoy the bewildering performances of: Weirrdo!"
3. Radically Informal. As simple as it gets. Anywhere during the first few moments of your show/act, it is stated or implied: "Hello Everyone, I'm Shawty Swappin and this is the World's Ghetto Mall of Mystery!" Continue with el performance.
There are a few examples to tickle your cerebellum. Now, how do you really apply or create an intro that will do more good than harm?
Any introduction (as well as at least 98% of any performance) should be scripted. You need to know exactly what you are going to say, express, or portray and can work it in your sleep. The introduction is important enough to do it! (The whole show should be, but people judge you more strongly on the intro and the ending...). You need to have words that will work towards your goal as a performer.
For example, if you do a show that is mystical and creepy, you shouldn't have an intro that is giddy and happy, referencing cute bunnies and unicorns of giddiness. In turn, if you have a happy show, you shouldn't start your show with a brain-seeking lawyer zombie craving the blood of republicans. (Sorry Republicans. If that offends you, replace the word "Republicans" with "Democrats").
Lucky for you who don't write intros, there are lots of stock intro lines you are welcomed to use. Just don't use them more than once per intro, and it shouldn't come out like total crap.
Common intro phrases:
"We've got a great show for you tonight."
"Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, blah blah blah,"
"Over the next hour/half hour/sixty minutes we'll take you on a visual roller coaster, complete with the ups, downs, and the annoying random stops in the middle of the track."
Tweak them to fit your needs.
Putting it all together!
Things to include in an introduction:
1. Thanks for attending
2. Who you are
3. Where you are from
4. What you are doing for the show
5. Acknowledge sponsors, if any
6. Thank the venue / host
7. Wish the audience to enjoy the show.
That's it!
So, without further adieu, here is an actual intro from beginning to end.
"Ladies and Gentlemen, thank you all for coming out to the 5th Annual Pancake Death Festival! My name is Aaron Stone, and I'll be your guide throughout this magical evening. I come from a small town you've never heard of with a population less than that of your average nightclub. Over the course of the next half hour, we'll all see some hilarious things. From death-defying card tricks to amazing sleight-of-hand publicity stunt escapes, the next thirty minutes of your life will be a jam-packed fun time. Remember, there will be no camera tricks, and no one here will die that you cared about anyway...so, without further adieu, the Founder Tiger's Club proudly presents, ME!"
The lights flash, the music cranks up, and the show begins with a high energy.
Poof. Amazing.
I hope you've made sense out of all this. If you've made it this far, your reading skill has increased by 1+ point.
Remember, people are watching...and argue as you will, you have one chance for an audience to like you.
~Aaron Stone
